Today, I'm writing background material for my soon-to-be-launched executive coaching website. Grasping for language to explain why, at the age of 51, I am starting yet another career, I am looking through old journals, blogs and other writings. As I age (and evolve), I become more conscious of my infinite choices; in my perspectives, my actions and responses, my thoughts and my values. I can choose to be guided by my self-protecting ego or by that which I sense is larger than me.
The irony is that even as I am aware that every moment is a choice, I am also more strongly compelled to follow my call to Purpose; and that is why I've been working for the past 18 months on a new career. Below is an unedited journal entry from March, 2015 that explains it well.
Ignited by a Calling (Journal notes from March 31, 2015)
Feeling a Calling—to be a conscious presence in business and to help others to become so. But quietly, not as an evangelist. Rather, opening the way, pointing and supporting but not necessarily leading; respectful of the unique timing and path of each individual.
There is an odd sort of urgency I feel today. Not that I have to go out and do something spectacular right now, more that each moment and each part of my being are critical to this venture and crying out to be used toward this purpose. I sense the ethereal yet-to-be’s and sit in the pregnant space of now, eagerly awaiting my next step.
I have faith in what will unfold. I am humbly aware that my devotion will ebb and flow; that I will wander. But I also have faith that if I but ask (with true desire) I will be pointed back in the right direction.
I am in grateful awe of all that has brought me to this place. I even see how my flaws and self-sabotaging behaviors can serve to be reminders to return to consciousness. I don’t know exactly what I am called to do, nor how it will manifest. I do know that, at this moment, I am no longer afraid to enter my brilliance and no longer afraid of the responsibility that comes with doing so.
Here is what I sense:
- Some lives will be changed by what I write/publish/teach and these will go on to perpetuate consciousness and integrity in business and personal lives
- I will play a small part directly in bringing holistic connection between the earth and her humans into the corporate worl
d, especially agriculture.
- My personal talents, through horses, will in some way manifest the original dream for healing that was the core of Wild
God, grant me the power, the humility and the perseverance to let your Will be done through me.
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