What would it be like if we gave up fear? How much of what I wish to change about myself, the actions and reactions I don't like, have their origin in fear? What is it that I'm afraid of?
My most pervasive and tenacious negative reactions are in the form of irritation and impatience with the daily spinning out of Life's inevitable happenings. I am most irritable and controlling with those I am closest to, and love most; husband, kids, horses. Is irritability really fear coming out sideways? What fear is threatened by the beings who vibrate within my inner circle? My irritability is triggered primarily by control issues. If something doesn't go my way, has unanticipated difficulty or "should" be some other way, it is obviously not controlled by me.
My authority (and therefor my control) is threatened when life doesn't happen as it "should". And why is it so scary for my authority to be questioned? Because, at a deep level, I don't really believe in it to begin with. Even writing "my authority" is difficult, because I feel an impostor for claiming it publicly. In my most personal and important relationships, there is a fear and an ego-created illusion that I would cease to exist without it.
When I am confident, I can react to misunderstandings, mistakes, random glitches and disagreements with compassion. I assume a positive (or at least neutral) intent on the part the other or the Universe. When I am centered, open and connected with All, I don't feel threatened. When I am irritatible, I am closed down and lose my center. (I wonder which comes first, the irritability, or losing my center?)
I pride myself on being able to go with the flow, especially when life really hands me a whammy. I am better at flowing with life's big challenges because my mind can attack these philosophically. I can see the lessons and the opportunities for growth when they are written by God in capital letters. I need more practice at reading the fine print.
Daily life can be a scripture
Each irritation an invitation to look at what I fear
A call to BE
Rather than unanswered prayers for help
in staying present, in BEing
Can it be that Life
has been chanting clues to me?
"come enter this fear and learn. And grow"
Today, I will see the gift in each moment of irritation
Heed the call to awareness when I feel threatened
See my frightened rabbit
Be aware of my cornered dog
Name the fear
Then seek to Be
Where there is no fear
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