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May 12

Praying to the Cultured Marble God

The Dark of the Moon coincides with the peak of  my PMS.  As the month's actions and intentions are designed to come to fruition, I frequently am at my most vulnerable, self-critical and drained.  It's as if I use up the entire month's life energy in the first 25 days and am running on empty by the cycle's end.

This month, I recognized that pattern, opening a space for me to step outside myself, observe and ponder.  While still emotionally charged, I wasn't overwhelmed by the usual feelings of inadequacy and irritability. By stepping outside I felt more as if I was merely participating in the periodic shedding of the earth's and mankind's accumulated dukkha/sadness to make way for renewal and rebirth.

I wonder how much more ease I would have in my life if I accepted and planned for this stage of emptiness each month, rather than trying to power through and plow on?  Surely I, (and those around me) would be better off than when I deny the need only to have it come upon us like a rogue wave.  What would it look like to schedule self-care and appropriate mental "quiet time" in acknowledgement of the natural rhythms?

One way I DO indulge myself is with aromatic bubble baths, to soothe mind, body and soul.  Carefully choosing the right essential oils, lighting the tea lights around my deep tub and sinking in to the gentle pulsing of the jacuzzi jets, my mind drifts, body relaxes and my soul finds a resting place.

After getting out of the bath, the sight of the flickering candles around the perimeter of the tub recalled the offering bench at the Catholic church of my childhood.  Like an altar, it called me to kneel in a prayer of gratitude; for the beauty and peace of my big cultured marble tub in the house we so recently finished after 7 years of working and saving on our ranch.  For the husband who understands the breadth of my spirit and emotions and who encourages me to accept, nurture and express myself.  For my children and the gift of the challenges they bring that help me to grow and discover myself along the way.  For ranch life and how it keeps me connected to the natural world and the circle of life.

To be honest, it's been a tough week on a lot of levels, and I'm not sad to see it end.  It is nice, however, to be able to see it as just the turning of the wheel.  And so, I roll on to the beginning  of the next cycle of my life.

Namaste.

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3 Responses for "Praying to the Cultured Marble God"

  1. Suna says:

    I am hoping for a better next week for you. I am so glad you were able to nurture yourself after the week's challenges. And I hope we can nurture ourselves next week!

  2. carolyn says:

    SO wonderfully said. You are an ispiration in so many ways. Thank you for sharing so openly-saying yes tobeing in the rhythm of life.

  3. Sara says:

    I've already penciled in three days of acceptance and space for this coming month. I'll let you know how it goes.

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