7
Dec 14

Advent: A Time of Longing and Tears

I shed lots of tears this time of year.  Not for what I don't have, but in longing for what is actually already mine, and what I am in the process of becoming.

Beginning around Samhain (Halloween), when tradition holds that the veil between the physical and spiritual worlds is thinnest, my awareness of what lies beneath my consciouness begins to heighten.  Like tantalizing wisps of eternal fragrance, I sense the Wholeness that is just beyond my grasp, yet surrounds me.

Advent is a season of Longing.  I feel a homesickness that no change in location can remedy.  A sweet ache of desire to dwell in unity with All of Creation.  There lies my home.

This is a season of Love.  Each relationship a flawed, but precious reflection of the Great Love that is our Life, our Soul.  I shed tears for the unfathomable beauty of that Love, and in humble recognition of how limited is my ability to reflect and channel it.

My tears are cleansing, like the winter storms of my Midwestern childhood.  In their wake, they leave peace; crisp, quiet and fresh. My Christmas heart lies open and expectant.  O come, Emmanuel.  Live in me, Light my way.

 

 

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18
Dec 12

A perspective on human-created tragedy

Many ask "How can God let something like this happen?" We are God's Children.  We have been given free will.  Unless we consciously and willingly turn our free will over to Him, our actions are our own.

We humans are on an evolutionary path.  Like all creation, we originated in a blessed state of unconsciousness.; being part of All, but not aware of our part.  Becoming sentient (aka 'eating of the tree of knowledge') was our birth into self-awareness.  Evolution is, in general, a gradual process.  As baby sentients, our consciousness was not developed enough to grasp our true state of being of, from and with the Universal Spirit.  Our brains developed egos (aka 'original sin') as a defense against feeling lost in our new awareness of being.  Our connection to God was never lost, but our egos created the illusion of separateness.  From this state, we do much 'evil' in an effort to protect what we see as our fragile existence.

It is critical for a child to learn through trial and error, through making mistakes and experiencing consequences.  So do we evolving humans make mistakes, individually and collectively, as we evolve to consciousness and re-unification.  Paradoxically, as we evolve as a species, so does our ability to do great works of either harm or reunion.

Remember that nothing eternal can be harmed.  Our core being, our spirits and our connection to All is eternal.  Weep for the losses of the families, for the rent in the fabric of our society.  Be comforted in that the souls of those whose earthly lives were lost could not be, and were not harmed.

All energy is ultimately of the same source.  Our human suffering pushes us further down the evolutionary path by causing us to pay attention.  How many have had to hit bottom before being awakened?  God is not acting through us when we commit atrocities, but He is still present.  There is no thing so evil that it cannot be turned into fuel for our individual and collective growth.  From our worst acts, goodness can emerge as the Light transforms the darkness. As we consciously participate in each transformation, our human evolution back to our spiritual home proceeds.

So weep, but do not despair.  One person has released his individual and collective pain into our awareness.  Our prayers, acts of love and refreshed gratitude for our own blessings manifest Light.  Together, of, from and with God, we transform and triumph over this darkness.  Let us make of this a gift that takes us one step closer to living Awake.  One step closer to home.

 

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14
Oct 12

Suffering Evolved

  • That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger
  • Pick up your cross and follow me
  • All life is Dukkha (suffering)
  • Be One with your trials, for they bring you gifts of learning
  • Be One with the brother who causes you strife, for he is your greatest teacher
  • To be born again is to accept the gift of life consciously and with humility
  • Enlightenment is Living as part of a greater whole
  • Grace is those moments when God works through us, in spite of ourselves

The preceding phrases have resonated with me this month, through meditations, daily inspirational readings and prayer.

This moon cycle is the third month of a major translation: From introspection and concentrating on self-healing and growth over the past 7-8 years toward living consciously as a contributor to humanity’s spiritual evolution.

My view of suffering has evolved significantly.

Previously, in therapy to work through prior spirit and life-threatening experiences, I envisioned myself as a Monterrey Pine; one of those real-life bonsai trees, shaped by the salt winds and hard-scrabble existence on the cliffs over the sea. I value these experiences as the forces that have shaped me into a person who embraces life and understands love. Suffering is the clay from which our lives are shaped

In present life, I strive to see daily trials as learning experiences. Each encounter with less-than-perfect situations, people or myself  is one more opportunity to practice being present, to stay centered. Suffering is a Gift of learning

Raised a devout Catholic, I was taught to carry my cross, to bear my burdens. What if our Cross is not our burden, but our Purpose? Should not one’s life purpose be big enough that sometimes we might stumble beneath it? But how much easier it is to carry our cross as Purpose rather than burden! Not suffering, but Purpose

One of my favorite mantras is “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists” (A Course in Miracles). It reminds me that at our core, we are Light, we cannot be harmed. I envision darkness as encountering that bright light and being transformed. There is nothing so bad, that it cannot be transformed by the Light of Creation. Darkness is transformed by Light

Over the past few years, I have gradually gotten better at living the perspectives above. All of them have been fluttering through my head these past few weeks. I have sometimes experienced Grace; times when I responded to situations from my core of light and not from my small self.

At the end of this cycle, a new perspective made itself briefly apparent. I have trouble putting it into words, as I Knew it only briefly. It has since faded to a shadow of words and memory that do not do justice to Truth: For an instant, I was aware that there is no real suffering, only Oneness. There is no bad, no suffering, for all springs from the same Source. All energy is part of Creation. It is our own small self’s perceptions that cast the energy into shades of dark and light. When we are not afraid to transcend our small selves, we become co-creators.

Grace is God acting through us in spite of ourselves. Amazing Grace is losing ourselves in God.

 


 

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16
Sep 12

Becomes Her Vision

The Blue Moon cycle has just concluded.  It is a time to reflect on where we are, a pause in the normal progression of cycles.  

What lays before me is a time of care, a time of caring

I sit with my spirit guides in my safe and sacred place
Jesus on the left end
Buddha on the right
Flanked left by She Who Heals, who Serves the Truth
Flanked right by Sunset Woman, who Lives the Truth

Where is Becomes Her Vision?
Her place is between
She is here, with me
I feel the vibrations of Being as I hear her voice

"You have the tools you need to do the job you need to do.
What you need will be there when you need it.
You are not done learning and growing, but you have learned and grown enough
to move out, move beyond
and take your place among the sharing.

With each cycle, the wisdom you need will present itself.
You have learned to nurture yourself,
to look within.
There, you will find your strength, your wisdom.
Each year, you will revisit and refresh your access to all
the medicine the Grandmothers have to teach,
to remember again how it touches your whole self.
We are here, all of us,
with you and within you always."

And with that, I begin to hear soft murmurs,
humming sweet and low, the sound of soft summer rain.
I feel the souls of my extended wisdom circle and many whom I have not yet named
Surrounding me, supporting me, part of me.

And I know, just for a moment
what it is to be part of ALL
And I know that to heal is to bring that Joy of connection
to what must be healed.

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11
Jun 12

Embracing Irritation

What would it be like if we gave up fear?  How much of what I wish to change about myself, the actions and reactions I don't like, have their origin in fear?  What is it that I'm afraid of?

My most pervasive and tenacious negative reactions are in the form of irritation and impatience with the daily spinning out of Life's inevitable happenings.  I am most irritable and controlling with those I am closest to, and love most; husband, kids, horses. Is irritability really fear coming out sideways?  What fear is threatened by the beings who vibrate within my inner circle?  My irritability is triggered primarily by control issues.  If something doesn't go my way, has unanticipated difficulty or "should" be some other way, it is obviously not controlled by me.

My authority (and therefor my control) is threatened when life doesn't happen as it "should".  And why is it so scary for my authority to be questioned?  Because, at a deep level, I don't really believe in it to begin with.  Even writing  "my authority" is difficult, because I feel an impostor for claiming it publicly.  In my most personal and important relationships, there is a fear and an ego-created illusion that I would cease to exist without it.

When I am confident, I can react to misunderstandings, mistakes, random glitches and disagreements with compassion.  I assume a positive (or at least neutral) intent on the part the other or the Universe.  When I am centered, open and connected with All, I don't feel threatened.  When I am irritatible, I am closed down and lose my center. (I wonder which comes first, the irritability, or losing my center?)

I pride myself on being able to go with the flow, especially when life really hands me a whammy.  I am better at flowing with life's big challenges because my mind can attack these philosophically.  I can see the lessons and the opportunities for growth when they are written by God in capital letters.  I need more practice at reading the fine print.

Daily life can be a scripture
Each irritation an invitation to look at what I fear
A call to BE
 
Rather than unanswered prayers for help
in staying present, in BEing
Can it be that Life
has been chanting clues to me?
Singing, shouting 
"come enter this fear and learn. And grow"
 
Today, I will see the gift in each moment of irritation
Heed the call to awareness when I feel threatened
See my frightened rabbit
Be aware of my cornered dog
Name the fear
Then seek to Be
Where there is no fear
 
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5
Apr 12

If you would have wisdom

If you would have wisdom, you must first give up judgment

In my morning meditation/visualization I started beneath a tree, covered in tiny new spring-green leaves and began a slow walk down a path of 13 large flagstone steps. At each stone, a ghost-whisper of one of the 13 Clan Mothers joined me. At the fourth step, Looks Far Woman came and took my hand, walking with me the rest of the way. The steps led through lush grass, sloping gently down to water’s edge and curving to end at a hidden cut in the bank. There, in a horseshoe shaped alcove, lined above by rocks, sat a well-worn stone bench. There I sat with Looks Far Woman.
I asked her to be my guide this month; to call me back when I lost my sight or to hold my hand and keep me on the path of my desire to stay connected with the All and to let go of critical thoughts and judgments.
“It is not for me to call you back or to hold you, but I will be here when you remember where you need to be”


I asked for help in seeing my connection to all things and in feeling that connection, especially in times of stress. I had a vision of a vast web, stretching across the horizon of earth and into space. My perspective was from edge of the web, but I knew that I was also part of its center.
“You cannot yet see your connectedness unless you are still. As you learn to be and feel your own center, your awareness of your place in the web will travel with you. But for now, be still”


I asked for particular help with my tendency to be critical and to blame others when things were not perfect, or when I am feeling less than perfect myself. I asked for wisdom to see that all things have their place and things are as they should be.
“If you would have wisdom, you must first give up judgment”


And so begins the journey of my Circle of Self.

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