After a couple months of procrastination, I finally committed to doing a daily review; short journaling at the end of the day about areas of disharmony or discontent, what I did and felt and how I would like to have handled the situation. I was feeling rather satisfied when, in the first week, I had several days with no events of note for which I recalled being in disharmony.
On further reflection, it seems that disharmony has a meaning beyond being in conflict with another. This just-past Blue Moon cycle of reflection called me into "living the truth"; manifesting Purpose as a way of daily being. From that perspective, any moment I am not in alignment with Purpose is a moment of disharmony.
Maybe that's the real reason I've found it so hard to take up the daily review practice. My "events" are not harsh words with, or ill will towards, another. My disharmony comes in the form of wasting time, not caring for my body and allowing imbalance to develop in my life.
Eight years ago today, I pledged to live my life in integrity, in all areas, no matter what the consequences. When I act with integrity I can feel it through my entire body. Spirit and body harmonize. Integrity = Oneness. For me, integrity is much easier in big ways than little. When I make a major decision based on integrity, I have faith that things will work out as they need to. For the past eight years, I've laid the mosaic tiles of my life with integrity. The composition is not what I envisioned, but it is harmonious.
The mortar between the tiles is where I have my issues. I am great with integrity, but not so good at the discipline that it takes to anchor those mosaics firmly in the earth of daily living. When I DO have the discipline to work through the seemingly endless piles of "do" necessary to keep the mill wheel turning, I feel more at ease. Clearing my desk, catching up on bookkeeping or having a clean house give me harmony.
What if discipline is really just integrity in working clothes?
I've made an effort to be more conscious in the mortar of my life. Observing the effects of my daily derailments and self-sabotage, I have become aware how pointless they are. It is amazing how often I still do them, however. Awareness has not been enough.
Maybe it's time to reach for that feeling of oneness when I notice distraction. Time to bring integrity into the small moments. Discipline is not forcing oneself to act correctly. It is a gentle traction that brings action into the service of Purpose.
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