18
Jul 13

God's Hoof Knife

Not too long ago, I was floating in our pool after sunset, watching the colors over the pond slowly put themselves to bed.  I realized that my life was full of joy and pleasure, yet the thing I was most grateful for was feeling my happiness does not depend on any of the things I love.

A week ago, I learned something with the potential to significantly change my life.  I handled it with grace and acceptance for about 12 hours, before I fell into despair at the possibility of losing what was most important in my life.  By the third day, I managed to release it to the power of Divine Love and to put the practical remains in a box for later.  I began to trust that I would know what to do, when action was called for.

Within a couple days, an option came to me out of the blue, for handling the situation.  It seemed crazy and off-the-wall, yet it is possible that it could be away through the situation with wisdom and integrity.

After the initial relief at having options, I have been wracked by sadness.  I began to question God.  I accused God of setting me an exam that was unfair: Why should I have to act as the only "grown-up" in this situation? I was reminded of how I used to try to write my exams when I was a professor:  A good exam teaches, even in the process of revealing the areas in which knowledge is still lacking.

I feel like the Universe has been intensively preparing me to be able to graciously take the action suggested for the past year or more.  Yet, this 'solution' has brought awareness of just how far I have to go in my life's journey.  I asked why I seem to need to process this decision as if it is happening now.

That's when God showed my his hoof knife.

Sometimes, a horse will have a puncture or bruise to the hoof that apparently heals over, but retains damage deep inside.  The horse may seem sound for a long, long time and the hoof look healthy.  Sometimes, that concealed injury can cause serious problems before anyone figures out the cause.  During the course of routine care, the farrier will shave away the old parts of the hoof and notice a small black line.  A good farrier will gently explore the discoloration, shaving away until the line disappears or until she reaches the area of decay.  Once discovered, any rot can be removed and healing can proceed.

I left an abusive relationship ten years ago.  I have been through counseling, PTSD therapy and recently started 12-step work.  After 10 years of work on myself, I thought I was sound.  I have been strong; always fighting for what is right and learning to trust in the outcome.  Today, I saw how vulnerable I still feel in one area.  For the past week, the Divine Farrier has been the paring away my sole (pun intended) to release this last (I hope) pocket of decay.  By mentally working through this situation now, when it is primarily between me and God, I can heal an area where I still have attachment and fear.  I will be ready to soundly carry my Purpose when the time comes.

 

 

 

 

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18
Dec 12

A perspective on human-created tragedy

Many ask "How can God let something like this happen?" We are God's Children.  We have been given free will.  Unless we consciously and willingly turn our free will over to Him, our actions are our own.

We humans are on an evolutionary path.  Like all creation, we originated in a blessed state of unconsciousness.; being part of All, but not aware of our part.  Becoming sentient (aka 'eating of the tree of knowledge') was our birth into self-awareness.  Evolution is, in general, a gradual process.  As baby sentients, our consciousness was not developed enough to grasp our true state of being of, from and with the Universal Spirit.  Our brains developed egos (aka 'original sin') as a defense against feeling lost in our new awareness of being.  Our connection to God was never lost, but our egos created the illusion of separateness.  From this state, we do much 'evil' in an effort to protect what we see as our fragile existence.

It is critical for a child to learn through trial and error, through making mistakes and experiencing consequences.  So do we evolving humans make mistakes, individually and collectively, as we evolve to consciousness and re-unification.  Paradoxically, as we evolve as a species, so does our ability to do great works of either harm or reunion.

Remember that nothing eternal can be harmed.  Our core being, our spirits and our connection to All is eternal.  Weep for the losses of the families, for the rent in the fabric of our society.  Be comforted in that the souls of those whose earthly lives were lost could not be, and were not harmed.

All energy is ultimately of the same source.  Our human suffering pushes us further down the evolutionary path by causing us to pay attention.  How many have had to hit bottom before being awakened?  God is not acting through us when we commit atrocities, but He is still present.  There is no thing so evil that it cannot be turned into fuel for our individual and collective growth.  From our worst acts, goodness can emerge as the Light transforms the darkness. As we consciously participate in each transformation, our human evolution back to our spiritual home proceeds.

So weep, but do not despair.  One person has released his individual and collective pain into our awareness.  Our prayers, acts of love and refreshed gratitude for our own blessings manifest Light.  Together, of, from and with God, we transform and triumph over this darkness.  Let us make of this a gift that takes us one step closer to living Awake.  One step closer to home.

 

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14
Oct 12

Suffering Evolved

  • That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger
  • Pick up your cross and follow me
  • All life is Dukkha (suffering)
  • Be One with your trials, for they bring you gifts of learning
  • Be One with the brother who causes you strife, for he is your greatest teacher
  • To be born again is to accept the gift of life consciously and with humility
  • Enlightenment is Living as part of a greater whole
  • Grace is those moments when God works through us, in spite of ourselves

The preceding phrases have resonated with me this month, through meditations, daily inspirational readings and prayer.

This moon cycle is the third month of a major translation: From introspection and concentrating on self-healing and growth over the past 7-8 years toward living consciously as a contributor to humanity’s spiritual evolution.

My view of suffering has evolved significantly.

Previously, in therapy to work through prior spirit and life-threatening experiences, I envisioned myself as a Monterrey Pine; one of those real-life bonsai trees, shaped by the salt winds and hard-scrabble existence on the cliffs over the sea. I value these experiences as the forces that have shaped me into a person who embraces life and understands love. Suffering is the clay from which our lives are shaped

In present life, I strive to see daily trials as learning experiences. Each encounter with less-than-perfect situations, people or myself  is one more opportunity to practice being present, to stay centered. Suffering is a Gift of learning

Raised a devout Catholic, I was taught to carry my cross, to bear my burdens. What if our Cross is not our burden, but our Purpose? Should not one’s life purpose be big enough that sometimes we might stumble beneath it? But how much easier it is to carry our cross as Purpose rather than burden! Not suffering, but Purpose

One of my favorite mantras is “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists” (A Course in Miracles). It reminds me that at our core, we are Light, we cannot be harmed. I envision darkness as encountering that bright light and being transformed. There is nothing so bad, that it cannot be transformed by the Light of Creation. Darkness is transformed by Light

Over the past few years, I have gradually gotten better at living the perspectives above. All of them have been fluttering through my head these past few weeks. I have sometimes experienced Grace; times when I responded to situations from my core of light and not from my small self.

At the end of this cycle, a new perspective made itself briefly apparent. I have trouble putting it into words, as I Knew it only briefly. It has since faded to a shadow of words and memory that do not do justice to Truth: For an instant, I was aware that there is no real suffering, only Oneness. There is no bad, no suffering, for all springs from the same Source. All energy is part of Creation. It is our own small self’s perceptions that cast the energy into shades of dark and light. When we are not afraid to transcend our small selves, we become co-creators.

Grace is God acting through us in spite of ourselves. Amazing Grace is losing ourselves in God.

 


 

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